Do you often find yourself talking too much. Do you get nervous when presenting and ramble on. Do you feel the need to give context to all the complexities and hard work you have done before arriving at your solution?
When communicating with others, especially Executives, the trick is to slow down to give yourself time to think, listen with an intent to understand what they want, and always let them decide the level of detail that they want.
Have you ever heard the saying “Listen twice as much as you talk.” This is based on a quote by a Greek philosopher "We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak."
One of the strengths of listening twice as much as we talk is that it encourages us to carefully reflect on what we are sharing and think about our thinking, and giving us room to see how the audience is responding. Any habits and protocols that encourage us to slow down a little are really valuable at improving the quality of our dialogue and discussion.
I often tell people to think about communicating as a pyramid. At the top of the pyramid is literally the point. What is the point? Each layer of the pyramid has more detail till you get to the bottom of the pyramid which has all the details and even some extra. Many people make the mistake when presenting with an upside down pyramid to build an iron clad argument. One where they first start by sharing everything there is to know so that when they finally do get to the point, no one can argue with them. In this style of communication, all the detail is at the top and the point is at the bottom. The problem with that form of communication is that it is very difficult to accomplish and you also lose people along the way because the audience is literally asking themselves, "What's the point?".
Let's examine some other reasons why some of us talk too much, sometimes even when we are not presenting, but are in meetings. In many of these cases, we are not talking for the benefit of others, we are talking for ourselves.
The following is from a post on the The Power of TED* website. It encourages to ask ourselves a few questions when we are about to talk.
- Am I talking for approval and to be overly helpful? (Rescuer)
- Am I talking to control and take charge of the situation? (Persecutor)
- Am I talking to complain and whine about all I don’t like? (Victim)
- What is my intention behind what I am about to say?
- Is there a question I could ask that would help me better understand what the other person is saying and perceiving?
So if we are doing all this talking for ourselves, how can we then change that so we listen and talk for the benefit of others? How might you simply listen and let go of your urge to talk in this moment?
Try practicing WAIT, which stands for Why am I talking?
The WAIT habit encouraging us to ask the following questions:
- Is this the time to share?
- Is what I want to share on topic?
- Don’t divert the conversation away from what they are speaking about just because, “that reminds me of a time when…”
- Is it my turn to share? Are you mastering the pause?
- Is what I want to share going to add to or subtract from what they are sharing? The temptation here is to divert the conversation from them to you.
- Is what I want to share fact or opinion? If it is not, then WAIT.
- If you do interject, be concise. Add value and then shut up.
Remember the upside down pyramid I talked about earlier. Well turn that pyramid right side up. If you do need to talk, here are a few steps to help you to keep it concise, even if you are nervous.
- Step 1. Make sure you practiced WAIT
- Step 2. Frame your response at a high level
- Step 3. WAIT. This gives the audience time to process what you said.
- Step 4. Ask the listener if they want more detail or what other information they want. Remember, the trick is to let them decide the level of detail they want. They may say, "No, you have my approval", or they may say, "Tell me more about how you know you have the right plan"
- Step 5. Then go back to step 2- frame your response at at high level.
- Step 6. Go back to step 3 and WAIT again.
- Step 7. Go back to Step 4.
By learning and practicing communicating this way, it shows you as someone who can have efficient, strategic conversations. It shows that you can get to relevant points without dragging them through all the things they don't want to hear or care about. You will build credibility.
