How to make a New Year's Resolution you can stick with.

It's that time of year when you think about making a New Year's Resolution.

Most people make resolutions like stop smoking or eat healthier or exercise more.

These are all activities and for many people, they are actual negative experiences.

To make resolutions that you can stick to, make them about positive outcomes like, I want to be able to live long enough to see my grandkids grow up, or I want to be fit enough to take long hikes in the mountains that you love so much.

By making a resolution about a positive outcome vs a specific activity that you dread and have to force yourself to do, two things can happen.  1.  You're not locked into a specific activity and throughout the year you can potentially find other ways to achieve your goal, and 2.  If you do have to do an activity that you hate or dread, then by having a positive outcome as the goal, you focus on that positive experience and not the negative task.

So for example, let's say you are out at dinner with some friends and everyone wants to order dessert, don't focus on the negative and think, I'll deny myself this piece of cake and thereby making that a negative experience.  Instead, I want to lose weight so I can have the stamina to enjoy more outdoor activities with my friends and family so I'll forgo the cake but I can still enjoy the time at dinner with my friends.

Same for exercising.  I personally hate the monotony of exercising.  I had to learn to tell myself that I didn't have to drag myself off the couch a few times a week and do some very monotonous exercise, but rather, remind myself that I'd like to be healthy enough to continue to enjoy traveling well into my retirement.  And secondly, exercising 5 days  a week wasn't the only solution to my goal.  A combination of eating a little healthier and exercising maybe just 2-3 times a week would allow me to accomplish my goal.

So, if you've struggled with sticking to your New Year's resolution, instead of resolving to doing some behavior that you hate, but instead resolve to some positive outcome.  Then think of numerous ways you can achieve that resolution.  And even when you have to do that behavior that you hate, don't think about it as a negative experience, but focus on the positive outcome you are working toward.

Have a less stressful Holiday by living Pura Vida!

The Holidays can be a stressful time of the tear.  You might be able to have a less stressful holiday if you adopt an attitude of "Pura Vida".

Simply translated, Pura Vida means “pure life” or "simple life", but in Costa Rica, it is more than just a saying... It is a way of life. 

Costa Ricans (or Ticos) use this term to say hello, to say goodbye, to say everything's great, to say everything's cool.  Similar to how Jamaicans say Irie or No problem.

Pura Vida is the way Ticos live. Not surprisingly, Costa Rica has been named one of the happiest countries in the world, mostly because its inhabitants don’t stress about things the way many people in the rest of the world do. 

Ticos have a very relaxed, simple way of looking at life. No worries, no fuss, no stress.  To them, Pura Vida means being thankful for what they have and not dwelling on the negative.

Most recently, I was scheduled to be on a call with a friend who is a Tico living in Costa Rica.  Our call was scheduled for 11am.  The day before the call, my wife asked me to go to the airport to pick up her brother, so I emailed my friend and asked her if she could reschedule.  She suggested 1pm that same day and I agreed thinking I would have enough time to get back from the airport.  

On the morning of the call, I checked the flight status and the flight was delayed and was now coming in at 12:30 so given that we rescheduled the call, to 1pm, I would not have enough time to get back.  So I promptly emailed my friend and asked her if she could move the call back to the original time of 11am.  

About 30 minutes later, I checked the flight status and it was updated and the plane apparently was now coming in at 11:30 so rescheduling to 11am would no longer work and requested she just leave the rescheduled time of 1pm.

I told her in my email that was sorry for all the back and forth and all the emails, and in her response she said she understood, and ended her email with "Pura Vida!".

When we finally spoke I thanked her for reminding me to not stress about small things like that and just maintain an attitude of Pura Vida!  

Another example...  If any of you have driven in any of the urban areas of Costa Rica, you know that traffic is a nightmare.  So one day, several colleagues and I were commuting from the hotel to the office.  On this particular morning, it was the usual bumper to bumper traffic.  As we approached the office after being in the van for about 25 minutes, right when we were about to make the turn on the street just 200 yards from the office a man on a motorcycle starts to have a conversation with another man on foot.  They both stand in the intersection long enough to block all traffic and they just go about their morning talking as all the drivers seem to just wait.  My colleague who was in the front seat of the van starts to get very animated waving her hands as to suggest they move out of the way and she starts to yell that accordingly.  She pleads with them to simply step 5' off the road so we could all pass.  Eventually after a few minutes the two men conclude their conversation and the traffic starts moving.  At this time my colleague is livid and looks at the driver and says, "I don't know how you drive in this traffic all day?"  The driver turned and looked at her and shrugged his shoulders and simply said "Pura Vida"

While many people use the saying ‘pura vida’, until you’ve been to Costa Rica, you will not truly know what pura vida feels like. 

It’s an emotion and an attitude, that embodies joy and happiness, and it’s a way of life.  Once you’ve visited, you will understand the true meaning of pura vida.

But until then, during the Holidays when so many things can get you stressed out, remember the things that really matter in life, and try to embrace the emotion and attitude of a more pure and simple life as embodied in the saying, Pura Vida!

A lesson in Emotional Intelligence

The CEO of better.com laid off 900 employees over a zoom call.  It's a lesson in Emotional Intelligence, but it's not what you might think.

CEO of Better.com, Vishal Garg, summoned employees onto a Zoom call the afternoon of Dec. 1, and announced they were being let go. The layoffs—impacting approximately 9% of the company's staff, about 900 people—would be effective immediately. Then the affected employees’ corporate accounts promptly went dark.

He said "If you're on this call, you are part of the unlucky group that is being laid off.  Your employment here is terminated immediately", adding that he does “not want to do this.”

"This is the second time in my career I'm doing this and I do not want to do this. The last time I did it, I cried," Garg said on the call.

The CEO has been involved in controversy before, as evidenced by an email he sent to his staff that was obtained by Forbes.

It read, "You are TOO DAMN SLOW. You are a bunch of DUMB DOLPHINS... SO STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT RIGHT NOW. YOU ARE EMBARRASSING ME," he wrote.

CFO Kevin Ryan said in a statement to CNN Business.  "Having to conduct layoffs is gut wrenching, especially this time of year" 

Let's go over the framework of Emotional Intelligence to see specifically where he went wrong.

1. Self-awareness – You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior. You know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.  With all the I statements, I just can't believe he is focused on how his emotions or feelings impact others.    

2. Self-management – You’re able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.   From a self-management perspective, in his email, with all caps screaming at his staff, he was out of control. 

3. Social awareness – You have empathy. You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization.  The time of year that he timed the layoffs, the fact that other than informing people they were laid off all he talked about was how it impacted him.  No where does he recognize the hardship on them, no where does he thank them for helping to build his company.

4. Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.  The remaining employees will remember how their colleagues were treated and any future employees will also know. 

It is clear the real audience for this talk was the street.  He was pandering to the investment community.  Okay, I'm not saying you don't need to do that, but compassionately laying off 900 people and then having an Investor Relations or industry analyst call to give the investment community the confidence that you have a sound strategy are two different meetings.  If I were an investor, I'd definitely take queues about how he treats his team.

How I was able to retire at 55

1. Get a professional advisor
2. Think about investing for retirement as a marathon not a sprint
3. Start investing as early as possible
4. Setup retirement goals based on a time horizon
5. Focus on saving a percentage of your income
6. Pay off your credit card debt
7. Understand your risk tolerance
8. Diversify your portfolio
9. Be a tax-efficient investor
10. Work with a fee-only fiduciary advisor

The Magnolia Group at Morgan Stanley

Don Whitehead - Managing Director (713) 965-5060